By Dorothy Halverson, Early Childhood Principal<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our children learn to love our values as we find and use discipline that is firm but kind, consistent but flexible, principled but understanding. Our methods really do teach our values. We want our children to love doing what is right, so we don\u2019t build up resistance by ordering them around. We speak to them respectfully and make requests with an attitude of expectancy. \u201cJohnny, I need your help. Will you please set the table?\u201d \u201cSusie, your room will be so tidy when you get your toys picked up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes it helps to give some acceptable<\/em> choices: \u201cWould you like to take a bath or shower?\u201d \u201cWould you like to hop or skip to bed?\u201d If neither of these is acceptable to the child, we can ask, \u201cWould you like to walk or be carried?\u201d If he doesn\u2019t go, we can say, \u201cOh, I see you decided to be carried\u201d and do it with a fun trot. The child feels that we\u2019re not going to waver in making a right request, but that we do love him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We don\u2019t ask questions when there is no choice, such as, \u201cDo you want to come to dinner?\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m going to the store; do you want to get in the car?\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s time to \u2026\u201d is a better way to phrase these requests. <\/p>\n\n\n\n We all like to plan ahead and know what we\u2019re doing next. Children can gain a better sense of time and show more cooperation if they are told what\u2019s coming, such as \u201cIn a little while we\u2019re going to the store.\u201d Or we can set a timer and say, \u201cWhen you hear the timer ring, it will be time for you to come in for lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Suppose the timer rings and nothing happens. We can say, \u201cOh, you didn\u2019t hear the timer ring? Let\u2019s practice listening for it. I\u2019ll set it for one minute, and when you hear it, you\u2019re going to come immediately.\u201d When the child comes, we can say, \u201cMy, how quickly you came when you heard the timer that time!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Coming when called can be practiced similarly: \u201cYou go into the living room, and when you hear your name, see how fast you can come.\u201d Then we can try the bedroom or outdoors, showing great delight when the child comes. A refresher practice session may be needed again from time to time, but this should always be done without anger or a sense of punishment: \u201cOh, you forgot to listen for your name. Let\u2019s practice and see how fast you can come.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Similarly, older children who take too long to dress in the morning might need to practice dressing after school to see if they can do it more quickly. It helps to know what to expect of children at different times. A new baby isn\u2019t just crying for attention. He is trying to communicate with us, so we respond and try to understand what his needs may be. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A nine-month-old is taking apart and emptying things without putting them back because learning to take things apart comes before learning to put them together. If he has lots of practice taking things apart and watching us put them together, he\u2019ll soon be putting them together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A baby is not being naughty when he drops and throws things. He\u2019s learning the effect of his hands on various objects. He can be taught, however, if we say, \u201cBalls are for throwing. We don\u2019t throw trucks.\u201d At the same time, he should be given a ball (a soft Nerf ball is good for inside).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Little children handle objects because they\u2019re intensely curious, and that\u2019s how they learn about things. It\u2019s best to put breakables out of reach and not have too many \u201cno-no\u2019s\u201d around before the child is two. When he\u2019s older, he can understand the difference between breakable and unbreakable, yours and mine. But if he\u2019s told not to touch too many things, he may be learning, \u201cDon\u2019t be curious. Don\u2019t learn.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the other hand, he must learn not to touch plugs and electric cords. We need to say, \u201cNo!\u201d firmly and remove him quickly. Consistency in requiring right actions teaches obedience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It is good to redirect actions to acceptable alternatives. Put some safe items in a low kitchen drawer. Remove the child if he\u2019s opening a different drawer with a \u201cNo,\u201d and then say, \u201cThis is your drawer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Though we must understand children and not be unreasonable in our expectations, we must also expect enough from them. Children should not be allowed to be disrespectful to others or impolite, to jump on the couch or scratch furniture. If we hold them firmly to right actions when they are young, we can gradually lengthen the rope of authority as they gain responsibility, and they will learn that responsibility brings freedom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What if a child is expressing jealously, aggression, or willfulness? If we think, \u201cIt\u2019s natural <\/em>for him to be jealous of his brother,” we\u2019re giving credibility to a commonly held, but erroneous, belief and thereby making it harder for him. We might then talk to him and treat him as though he is <\/em>jealous, aggressive, or self-willed, and he may accept that false concept about himself. It\u2019s important to deny these negative traits as spurious suggestions having no place in our child\u2019s individuality, look at manifestations of them as mistakes to be corrected, and steadfastly hold to a true concept of our child as an expression of Love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Again, we can hold our child to right actions. If pages of a book are being torn, we need to immediately remove it and say, \u201cOh, we don\u2019t like our book to have torn pages. We\u2019ll have to put it away.\u201d He learns that when he doesn\u2019t treat a book well, he doesn\u2019t have it again for a while. <\/p>\n\n\n\n We can say, \u201cOh, sister doesn\u2019t like it when you take her toys away\u201d and then put a hand on his and help him give the toy back. Tell him, \u201cYou may play with a toy that sister\u2019s not playing with. We don\u2019t take toys from others.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Discipline should teach what we want it to teach. Some methods, unfortunately, just teach a child to think, \u201cShe doesn\u2019t understand me. I\u2019ll do it when she\u2019s not around.\u201d If there seems to be a running battle over something, it is helpful to think through these points:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Parenting is a constant learning process, and as we strive to use the methods that teach the desired lessons to our children, we find ourselves enjoying them more fully. <\/p>\n\n\n\n From Principia\u2019s Founder<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDiscipline\nis instruction through training, or training which instructs. To be true\ndiscipline, the instruction must be an emanation from Principle: its basis and\ndemand must be impersonal; its purpose must be \u2018right for right\u2019s sake\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe\nresult of discipline will depend almost entirely on the mental attitude of the\nparent or teacher administering that discipline. If his objective is to bring\nhealing to the false sense, and his standpoint is loving interest in the\nchild\u2019s progress Godward, the teacher has caught the true spirit of teaching.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTrue discipline rarely creates a breach\u2014it binds both parties closer together in the bonds of love.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014Education at The Principia<\/em>, pp. 25, 19, 18<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Dorothy Halverson, Early Childhood Principal Our children learn to love our values as we find and use discipline that is firm but kind, consistent but flexible, principled but understanding. Our methods really do teach our values. We want our children to love doing what is right, so we don\u2019t build up resistance by ordering … <\/p>\n