Category: Spiritually-Based Resources

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Individuality and the Whole Man

How fascinating are the seemingly innate special interests of children! 

Becky at ten months is intrigues by mobiles. The mobile in the ACORN office gets her attention repeatedly over the many other toys she is offered. A month ago, toys with strings held her interest. 

At the same age, John sought out balls. If there was a ball within sight, he’d find it. 

As for Cindy, almost from birth, she was on the move. She practiced motor skills to the extent that she crawled well at six months and walked at nine months. 

Along with an overpowering curiosity, Randy, at a year, practices fine motor skills. He loves to put pegs and keys in holes, clothes pins on cans, and make things work. 

Wendy is obviously interested in people. She intently watches other children and adults and shows her affection by giving loving hugs to anyone who will accept them. 

Craig was fascinated by symbols and insisted on knowing names for those funny marks we call numbers and letters. This led to early interest in reading. 

Some of these are changing interests; others are continuing ones, but they all point to individuality. Since there is need in the adult world for many types of specialists, it is well that our children don’t all have exactly the same interests and talents. On the other hand, in order to work well together, we want them to broaden their interests to the extent that they can understand others and enjoy themselves in a variety of situations. 

Parents can help their children by recognizing and appreciating interests and talents and by providing special opportunities or equipment to develop these talents. They should also be aware that it may be possible to promote one-sided development by providing toys and opportunities only in the area of a child’s or parents’ interests. 

Principia has always been concerned with the need to educate the “whole man.” This means development of mental, social, physical, moral, and spiritual capabilities. Curriculum and programs are adopted with this goal in mind. Parents might also like to consider this educational goal. 

If a child excludes certain activities because of an all-consuming interest, it may be necessary to look for special ways to encouraged needed skills. It takes ingenuity and effort on the part of a parent to find a way of helping a child to develop a needed skill in which he lacks interests. The skill should be presented in ways that will lead to success. Perhaps a young ball-lover can learn to identify balls by color and size. He may roll the ball “under,” “over,” and later, to the right or left of objects. He may count the number of times he throws a bean bag onto various cardboard shapes. He could listen to and make up stories about sports. 

The intellectually inclined child might enjoy counting the times he bounces the ball of swings in the swing. Perhaps he will ride his tricycle to go on a secret mission. His parents may need to provide play equipment which is especially interesting to him as well as a small pool or opportunity to play and swim in a pool. 

A child should not be forced to use equipment or develop skills but should be led to discover that he can succeed in a way that will encourage his to do more. Ridicule or coercion will merely intensify his image of himself as a non-participant. 

Children who love sociability may profit by playing learning games with others, or by playing games of skill. Some parents may need to put limitations on the continuous social contacts of a friendly activity or a book. Others may need to make efforts to invite friends over to play with a child who is satisfied with solitary pursuits. 

One child may seem to have all-consuming interest, while another appears to be interested in everything. What folly it is to judge a child or his parents because that child is not like another child or a so-called norm! Each child will thrive and make a contribution to our society if he is enjoyed and encouraged.

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Pondering Perseverance

By Dorothy Halverson

For many years, parents and teachers were cautioned by some experts not to let a child get frustrated when learning new tasks or skills. They feared that the child might exhibit stress, insecurity, and low self-esteem. More recently, however, many have come to feel that a certain amount of frustration is essential to healthy character formation and independent growth.

Mary Kimball Morgan, founder and first president of The Principia, understood the importance of training children to be independent thinkers, even though it may take some struggling along the way. She poses this question in Education at The Principia (p. 57): “Are we helping them to gain the stamina, perseverance, and courage necessary to cope successfully with [world] conditions? Or are we weakening their character through personal indulgence and unwise protection—doing their work for them or shielding them from the consequences of their willful mistakes?”

When observing children struggling through a task and even exhibiting some frustration with a challenge, some of us may feel we’re helping out when we step in, but in reality we may be interfering in the opportunity for growth. Instead, it’s important to stand back in a supportive but non-interfering way, and let the learning experience occur. This gives the child room to develop initiative, resourcefulness, and problem-solving skills.

How can we be supportive yet non-interfering? Dr. John Rosemond offers these suggestions in his book entitled Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Heathy Children (Andrews McNeel Publishing, 1989).

  1. Establish a relaxed environment where children can discover their own potential.
  2. Guide and model more than order.
  3. Be a consultant to your child’s growth and development.
  4. Allow children to make mistakes. Some of the most valuable lessons are learned through making mistakes.

In doing these things, we send messages of trust and personal worth to our children and allow them the freedom to discover their own capabilities.

Working in an early childhood environment, I observe on a daily basis children taking risks, trying new things, and yes, making many mistakes along the way. But, the children are lovingly supported and gently guided. I love to witness four- and five-year-olds persevere when learning to ride a bicycle. The children quickly learn that they need to be in control, both mentally and physically. Some children get very frustrated with this at times, but the teacher calmly talks each child through the steps, encouraging them to keep trying. Once they succeed, they feel such a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. Their confidence and self-esteem grow as they experience success by expressing persistence, patience, and perseverance.

These same qualities—patience, persistence, confidence, empowerment, and perseverance—are expressed each time children tackle a new skill, such as learning to walk, tying shoes, or zipping a coat. Before beginning to work on a certain task or skill, it is important to know whether the child is ready and capable developmentally. Also, children are much more willing to persevere when it is a skill they want to learn.

It can be helpful to break down larger tasks so that they experience successes along the way (i.e. starting the zipper or having your child work through the first steps of shoe tying while you make the loops.) Each success increases their confidence to cope with the next, slightly more difficult task. Offering guiding suggestions and letting them know that you are there if they need you can be comforting to children.

Remember not to do the task for them, but remind them that it is OK if they don’t succeed the first time. If you are patient and relaxed yourself and allow your child to work, he will be more apt to continue trying to successfully meet challenges.

As children learn to persevere, they discover their own abilities, become self-sufficient, creative, and resourceful; express confidence and courage; and learn to think independently. And as Mary Kimball Morgan states, “In childhood, it is very essential that right habits of thought become established—honesty, truthfulness, unselfishness, industry, thoroughness, perseverance, loving-kindness, and all noble qualities which make for Christian character” (Education at The Principia, p. 21).

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Fostering Willingness With Your Infant

by Dorothy Halverson, Principia’s Director of Acorn Programs

A question frequently asked by parents is, “Is it possible to expect my baby to lie still for a diaper change?”  Diaper changes can seem like a wrestling match once your little one has learned to turn over from back to front, or crawl or walk. Practicing those skills are much more interesting for your baby than lying still for a routine diaper change.  Rather than making a struggle of it, the parent should foster baby’s willingness.  Look at this as a period for happy one-on-one time with your baby. Use diaper changing as a time to talk and sing songs to your baby. Put aside a few special toys for your baby to hold while being changed. Rather than just focusing on the task to be done, routine diaper changes can turn into fun for both the parent and the child. 

Cooperation can also be gained while dressing your baby by playing games. Babies love to play peek-a-boo games, so play peek-a-boo with your child’s hands and feet as they go into sleeves and pant legs. As you get ready to zip the zipper, you can say “ZZZZZZZZip!” When snapping, say “snnnnnnnap!” Your baby will giggle with delight.

The introduction of solid foods may begin as early as 3 months. Introducing new foods helps expand your child’s palate. Start with just one teaspoon of smooth cereal, fruits, or vegetables.  This will help your baby get used to other tastes, though he main food will still be milk. Never force your baby to eat foods he doesn’t want to eat. 

Some babies and toddlers have a difficult time leaving their mothers, and some mothers never leave their children in someone else’s care. The parent should look for a right balance of togetherness with each child. If a mother is staying at home with her child, she should find some times to leave the child with a competent sitter when the child is awake, even if she just goes into another room of the home to have some time for herself. This will also help the child learn that after mommy leaves, she will return.

As you work with your baby, respecting his tastes and wishes, keeping a regular routine while allowing some exceptions, your baby can learn to be flexible and cooperative. 

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Even Infants Choose!

By Mildred Cawlfield (adapted)

Today, a three-week-old infant accompanied her brother to the Acorn Toy Library and selected her toys. Really!

 
At first, her mother and I thought we’d let her brother take three toys and just give her one, rather than two for each, so we showed her mobile which has animals that face the baby rather than, as so many do, face the adult. It was obvious that she like it.  Her random movements stopped as she focused intently on the slowly moving shapes and music box sound.
 
After her brother had worked for some time with two toys, she was lying on the changing table and showing us how she could turn her head clear over from one side to the other to keep a rattle I was shaking in view. I was telling her mother how to place pictures for her to look at, at her side, and brought and brought out some samples of pictures with high contract images.  She showed such obvious enjoyment looking at the pictures, staring intently, and excitedly kicking her feet, so we sent the pictures home with the family.
 
Regularly, babies will look away from toys they have had and show great interest in the new ones.   The babies do indeed make their own selections as they discover their capabilities.  They will give no more than a cursory glance at certain toys and spend considerable time systematically exploring others.
 
Recent research reveals infants’ capabilities to learn has involved observing choices they make. If given the choice, they will look at bright colors, rather than dull ones; intricate patterns, rather than plain colors; and they definitely show a preference for the human face over other pictures.
 
Rather than looking at infants as passive recipients of care, we should regard them as intelligent thinkers capable of making some decisions of their own.
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How Young Children Learn

By Dorothy Halverson

Children learn at amazing rates, and parents are their children’s prime educators during their first three years.  Infants are actively learning from the time they arrive – and even before!  They learn by what they see, feel, and hear.  During their first year, infants spend most of their wakening time learning about their environment visually.  They seem to see best, objects that are eight to twelve inches from their eyes.  They enjoy bright colors, intricate patterns, and they love to look at faces.  Knowing this, your baby’s favorite activity, when not eating or sleeping, will be looking at you and hearing you talk to him. 

Your baby may also enjoy looking at or listening to a musical mobile hanging above his head.  Choose mobiles that face down for your baby to see.  Younger babies usually prefer black and white patterns.  Some mobiles are black and white on one side and then can be flipped to offer a more colorful side. Your baby may also enjoy a baby mirror or bumper pictures for his crib.
 
If you have given your baby objects that he can bat, he will start grasping at them.  When your baby is able to grasp objects, he begins to learn concepts about size, shape, color, and texture.  Floor gyms with dangling toys will be interesting to touch, grasp, and manipulate.  As your baby touches, smells, tastes, and listens to everything he can reach, he learns that his actions can make other things happen.  For example, kicking his feet on the crib mattress makes a mobile wiggle; crying makes mommy or daddy come; and dropping something makes a sound.  Your baby will make hundreds of exciting discoveries!
 
During the second year, children usually learn that when something disappears, it is not necessarily gone forever.  This developing concept makes “peek-a-boo” an exciting and important game to play with your baby.  Playing “peek-a-boo” helps babies to develop object permanence which is a fundamental part of early life learning. Object permanence means that the baby begins to understand that objects continue to exist, even when they cannot directly be seen, heard, or touched. The majority of babies develop this concept between 6 months and a year old.
 
Provide your baby with many objects (a few at a time, though) to play with and explore.  Household items are ideal.  When your baby has had ample time to look at and explore the many objects, he begins to put things together and take them apart.  Babies love to put things in a container, fit one container inside another, and stack things.  You’ll find that your child learns by exploring all the possibilities of an item.
 
Usually around two years of age, your child will begin to use toys in different ways.  He is becoming more inventive, imitative, and imaginative.  Give your child tasks that are simple enough to master, yet helping him to expand his abilities.  For example, offer simple puzzles at first; then later you can give him more complex ones to do.  Simple shape sorters can also be introduced.  Give your child one shape at a time and turn the appropriate hole toward him.
 
Allowing your child to dress himself is another way he learns.  He first learns to help by pushing out his arms and legs.  Then he helps pull off a sock.  He might help pull on a sock that you have started for him.  He can pull pants up and down long before he can master a shirt.
 

As children gain satisfaction in mastering each skill, they become eager to try progressively more difficult tasks.  This is when children need the freedom to make mistakes.  Mrs. Morgan states, “A true educator is not afraid to let his pupils make mistakes, if he can, through those mistakes, lead thought on to higher ground.” (Education at the Principia, p.43).  Sometimes it is difficult to let your child find out something for himself.  We often do children’s thinking for them.  But when a child makes his own discoveries, learning is more meaningful.  Our aim should be to help children learn how to think. As you observe and listen to your child, watching him develop these concepts, you will be able to give him just the right help at the right time, and you will enjoy him completely!

Principia School Acorn Program

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From the Vault: Sibling Friendship

by Mildred Cawlfield

As the Acorn two-year-olds were departing after a morning school experience, some carried remaining treats of fruit pieces in cups. Eric leaned over and peered into his twin brother’s cup.

“All gone,” said Tom, holding his cup up for his brother to see.

Spontaneously Eric reached into his own cup, took out some pieces, and put them into his brother’s. Both grinned as they walked out munching their treats. This natural brotherly affection can be the norm when we reject the belief that siblings must be rivals. Despite that widely accepted, self-fulfilling belief, brothers and sisters can be the best of friends.

Before the birth of our second child, I had been convinced of the inevitability of sibling jealousy, so I expected it and prepared for it. After the younger son came, I at first consciously withheld affection from him in the presence of the older son because of this expectation. And, of course, I saw the jealousy I was looking for.

Fortunately, since love, peace, and harmony were valued in our home, the sense of rivalry was overcome and the boys became close friends.

Several years later, with two more children, we had an opportunity to replay the opening scenes of the sibling drama. This time I saw that the affection I expressed for the little one in the presence of the older child became a model for him. Obviously, the baby was a new family member to be cherished and our older child fulfilled our expectations as a loving brother.

Adjusting to a new family member is a learning experience for an older child, as well as for the parents. You can prepare the older child by talking about friends of his who have a baby brother or sister, and tell him, “Now it’s time for us to have a larger family.” You can help the child see that it will be a promotion, to be a big brother or sister – one which will include some special privileges, too, like being able to help push the stroller or stay up an extra half-hour.

If there is too much talk about the baby months before its appearance, however, the wait can seem interminable to a two or three-year old, so save most of it for the month or two before baby’s arrival.

Make any changes, such as moving the older child to a big bed, well in advance of the birth. Explain (in this case) that he is now big enough for a big bed, rather than that the crib is needed for the baby.

After the baby comes, show the older child pictures of himself as a baby. Tell him how he used to wear diapers but now he can use the toilet and gets to wear big-boy pants. Tell him that he couldn’t talk to you then and tell you what he wanted, as he can now, and that he just cried when he needed something – that when he was a baby he had to stay wherever you put him, so you tried to find happy places for him to be, but now he can walk and run wherever he wants to go. Let him know that you took care of him just as you now care for the baby and that the baby will grow like he is and will later be able to play with him.

Be sure to point out that baby’s admiration for his big brother or sister when the infant is watching. For instance, “See her watch you. She thinks it’s great the way you can run and walk and eat all by yourself.”

An older child has an opportunity to learn selflessness and patience while he waits for baby’s needs to be met. He also should know that the baby himself will learn patience. At a time when nothing more needs to be done for the baby, you can say, so that big brother can hear, “Baby, you’ll have to be patient now. Johnny needs me.”

Your older child can learn to be gentle with the baby. Talk to him about using his gentle hands; tell him that he is strong and mustn’t use all his strength when he hugs baby, just as Daddy doesn’t use all of his strength when he hugs. Gentleness is holding strength in reserve.

When children are close in age, it’s best not to establish ownership of all toys or to try to have two of everything. Each child may have a few very special things of his own, like a favorite stuffed toy or something for which he has a unique interest or attachment. These should be put in a certain place out of the way.

An older child may want to work, at times, at a table out of reach of a younger one, or may want to have a gate across his door while he builds with blocks and construction toys. Toys inappropriate for a younger one, such as crayons, paints, or those with small pieces, should be kept out of his reach and played with during his nap time or in a closed-off area.

Most toys should be jointly owned and used on a first-come/first-play basis. This eliminates much needless ownership hassle. If a child is playing with a toy and the other wants it, the latecomer can learn to say, “May I play with it when you’re through, please?” Then he can play with something else while he awaits his turn. If these policies are established early, the children will learn to co-operate in the same way with other playmates.

When there are disputes, it’s best for parents not to take on the role of judge and assess blame, though they can make it clear that the problem must be solved in a peaceful way. “We use words, not fists,” is one good rule. The children themselves can be made to sit and talk over their problem until they come up with a solution. At first you may need to help by asking each one to tell the other how he feels or by trying yourselves to verbalize their feelings for the children.

For instance: “Heather feels that you don’t love her when you push her, so she cries” or, “Tony didn’t understand that you were playing with that truck, and had just parked it while you were looking for a man to put in it.” This kind of help not only shifts the responsibility for solving social problems to the children but gives them the means for finding solutions. If one child is clearly the aggressor, however, the parent might have him sit by himself for a few minutes to think about how he can use his loving hands or feet.

I recently asked a mother of four children close in age what ideas had been most useful to her in encouraging sibling friendship. She said that it’s helpful for the children to work together toward a common goal, so she looks for goals such as cleaning up for outside time, planning a party, or deciding what to have for dinner. Each child takes a part in accomplishing the main goal and appreciates the contributions of the others.

When the children have a spat, this mother has them sit and talk it over until they can come to her with their solution. She has found that ridicule and rivalry can be eliminated – when a child is feeling fear or inadequacy – by encouraging another to help him. For instance, one of her younger children was afraid of the dark and an older one, who had overcome that fear, was asked to talk to her and help her. This family has discovered that one never wants to put down a friend he’s helping.

Children don’t really want to feel equal to each other in every way. But they do – each one – want to feel special and appreciated. As parents, you can do much, both to help your children appreciate each other’s uniqueness, and to set the stage for harmony. On top of everything else, working toward the goal of peace at home is bound to add needed peace to the world scene.

*names have been changed

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Sharpening Our Parenting Skills

The desire to have a well-behaved child is a universal one, but sometimes there are important lessons that need to be learned by both the parent and the child. When we’re having challenges with our child, it can be tempting to think, “I wish my child would act like him” as we observe a child behaving well for his parent. Those are opportunities for us to reflect on our parenting skills.

If your child is rolling around on the floor, what might you do? Words would be your first recourse. You might say, “This is not a place to roll on the floor.” Then pick your child up, if necessary. If your child is overtired, and we know the responsibility is ours, perhaps it’s time to go home for a nap. If the child is out of control and needing guidance, we need to take the time to help him develop the skills necessary for coping with disappointment.

If your child is crying because she is disappointed that she can’t get a toy when shopping, what might you do? Again, start with words. You might say, “I can tell you’re disappointed that you can’t get the toy today. We are just buying the things on our list. Can you help me find the shampoo that you like to use?” Giving your child a responsibility can help her move past her disappointment at not getting a toy.

If your child is disappearing around the corner, what might you do? Speak firmly, using your child’s name, “____, stop!” It is best not to chase your child unless it is absolutely necessary. When you’re reunited with your child, get down on his level, look him in the eyes, and say, “You may not run away from me at the store. I’ll need you to hold my hand now.” Then you’ll need to decide if an additional consequence is necessary. Children can learn to stay close when they are taught the rules and we, as parents, consistently follow through with them.

Some children learn best from logical consequences. One day while shopping, a child of an Acorn mom ran away from her to the car. The mom was very upset and concerned for the child’s safety. This was during a period when the child was testing rules frequently. The child, who loved to go shopping, was told that he would not be able to come along next time. A short time later, when her husband was home, the mom announced, “I’m going to the grocery store.” Then, she calmly reminded her son that he would not be coming along this time since he ran to the car earlier in the day. She said, “I need for you to be safe and not run ahead to the car.” Her son was very upset and started crying and pleading to be able to go along, saying he’d be good. But the mom stood her ground. “When we are out, I need to be able to trust you to obey the rules. Next time you can show me that you remember.” The child continued to be upset as the mother left him behind. But the lesson paid off. In the future, the child was able to follow the rules and be trusted.

Because each child is unique and each parent is unique, there are many possible ways to respond to a situation. If you have more than one child in your family, you will soon discern that what works well with one child will not necessarily be the answer for the next. So discipline techniques and responses need to be tailored to the individual child. One child may need to regain control in a quiet setting. Another child may conform quickly when a firm voice is used, rarely needing time alone. A firm voice, without anger is an important tool for every parent.

Here are some examples of how to use a positive, assertive tone when talking to your child:
“It’s time to get dressed. Here is the outfit that you chose last night.”
“Food is for eating, not for playing. Your toys are waiting for your play when you eat these last two bites.”
“It’s cold outside today. You will need to wear your winter coat.”
“Use gentle hands with baby. See how she smiles at you?”
“You may choose two books to read before rest time.”
“Blocks are not for throwing. Balls are for throwing.”

Parents want what’s best for their children, but sometimes it’s difficult to know where to begin. Mrs. Morgan, in Education at The Principia, helps us recognize our starting point: “The greatest good we can give our children is the training in right thinking, the establishment of thought in Principle”  (p. 59).  Our training can give children the words and means to understand how to obey Principle and how to do right thinking. You may have observed parents who say to their children, “You’re a good girl, playing so nicely”—then conversely, “Don’t hit your brother.  Bad girl!” Will this help the child see her continuing good nature? Will it help the child to love her brother?

Here are some examples of words that work:

  • Thank you for waiting patiently.
  • Use your words.
  • I like your quiet voice (your happy face).
  • Use your gentle hands.
  • Doors close quietly.
  • Tummies to the table.
  • Food stays at the table.
  • People are not for biting. We bite food.
  • We always hold hands in the parking lot and when crossing the street.
  • Ask before you touch.
  • God was there first.

Useful words and ideas can help smooth out rough spots in parenting, but as we tune in to God and listen for His direction, we will go forward with confidence and assurance in our parenting skills. Our training will give children the words and means to understand how to obey Principle and how to do right thinking.

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True Discipline

By Dorothy Halverson, Director of Acorn Programs

Our children learn to love our values as we find and use the discipline which is firm but loving, consistent but flexible, and principled but understanding. We want our children to love doing what is right. We make requests with an attitude of expectancy, and sometimes it helps to give some acceptable choices. “Would you like to hop or tip-toe to bed?” If neither of these choices is acceptable to him, we can ask, “Would you like to walk or be carried?”, and if he doesn’t go, we can say, “Oh, I see you decided to be carried,” and then do it with a fun trot. The child understands that we are not going to waver in making a right request, but that we do love him.

When there is no choice, such as, “Do you want to come to dinner?” or “Do you want to get in your car seat?”, then it is important not to phrase the request as a question, thereby giving the child a choice. A better way to phrase the request is, “It’s time to come in for dinner.” or “We are going to the store, so you need to get in your car seat.” We all like to plan ahead and know what is coming next. Children will be more cooperative, too, if they are told what’s coming.

Though we must understand children and not be unreasonable in our expectations, we must also expect enough of them. Children should not be allowed to be disrespectful or impolite towards others. If we hold them firmly to right actions when they are young, they will gain responsibility and learn that responsibility brings freedom. If a child is expressing jealously, aggression, or willfulness, and we feel it is natural for him to be jealous of a sibling, we are giving credibility to an erroneous belief and accepting this false concept of him. It is important to deny these negative traits as erroneous suggestions that have no part in our child’s individuality and hold steadfastly to the true concept of our child as an expression of Love.

Discipline is teaching, not blaming and punishing the child. When disciplining, always separate the behavior from the child. Your approach should assure the child that you love him, but not the inappropriate behavior. “Love does not permit a child to disrespectful, disobedient, and willful. Love corrects.” (Education at The Principia, p. 26) You have the knowledge and experience to know what’s best for your children. Continue to listen for the metaphysical truths about the situation and the actions that may be taken to help your child learn the needed lesson. Parenting is a constant learning process, and as we strive to use the methods which teach the desired lessons to our children, we find ourselves enjoying them more fully.

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Moral Education: Leading Thought to Higher Levels

Five-year-old Jenny spontaneously picks up her room, taking delight in arranging her things in an orderly way. Kenny gives a rock from his treasured collection to a friend, delighting in his friend’s joy. Our toddler, Penny, starts to reach for the forbidden TV knob, then pulls back her hand and walks away.

These are moments that warm a parent’s heart – when the child wants to do the right thing. Is there anything we can do to encourage more of these commendable acts?

One way to approach this question might be to ask another one: why does a person do what we consider to be ‘the right’ thing? Dr. Lawrence Kohlberg, of Harvard University, has come up with answers that have won him wide acclaim and given impetus to some moral education programs in the schools. Kohlberg suggests six progressive stages of moral development, if we view these stages as periods through which each individual must go to reach maturity, and then try to label children accordingly, we are indeed limiting them, as well as our means of teaching them. But if we view the six steps as progressively higher reasons for doing the right thing, they can be a useful tool for working with children.
Briefly, they are:
1. Fear of punishment;
2. Hope of personal rewards;
3. Wish to be considered good;
4. Respect for man-made rules;
5. Respect for the rights of others;
6. Belief in universal principles applicable to all mankind; a matter of conscience

With these in mind we might look at a child’s possible reasons for wanting to pick up his toys (the first two illustrations show that there can be a range of degree within a step or stage of reasoning) :
1. Because he’ll get a spanking if he doesn’t, or because his parents won’t let him watch TV or play with his friends until he does.
2. Because his parents promise him a new toy if he picks them up, or because he can find his toys more readily.
3. Because he knows his parents and friends will consider him to be good if he does.
4. Because he has learned to respect the firmly established rule in his home that toys must be put away at the end of the day or before he takes out more.
5. Because he truly believes that the other members of the family have a right to a neat home and he wants to do his part.
6. Because he loves order, takes great pleasure in expressing it, and is not comfortable unless he is expressing it.

Looking at a child’s response this way, we can see that his reasons may shift from time to time (Even as an adult, I may be operating at step 3 when I quickly pick up the house before company comes.) But we can also see that communication to the child might have some effect on the level of his thinking.

If our sole means of getting a child to do the right thing is to punish him or to threaten him with punishment, we may be limiting his opportunity to respond to higher levels of thought. On the other hand, it may take a good deal of praise (step 3), rewards (step 2), and some punishment (step l), before a family rule is firmly established.

In the process we may communicate in ways that lead to stages 5 and 6. For instance, stage 5: “Daddy will be so happy when he comes home to a neat house”; “Thank you ! I have such a wonderful feeling when the whole house is neat and orderly” – or stage 6: “Doesn’t your room look beautiful with everything put away?” In addition, we might make a special effort to show a good example of order ourselves. (If we do this we’re using stage 5 – thinking . ) We can also look with the child at the order is nature and talk with him about how each one of us inherits and can express the quality of order from God.

Let’s look at some possible reasons, from a child’s viewpoint, for coming when he’s called.
1. “I might get punished if I don’t come.”
2. “Mother sometimes has a surprise for ne when I come quickly.”
3. “Mother thinks I’m good when I come right away.”
4. “Children are always supposed to come when parents call.”
5. “The family won’t have to wait.”
6. “It’s right to be punctual, so I’m impelled to come when I’m called.”

We can analyze other right actions we wish to encourage in the same way: cooperating, sharing taking responsibility, being honest. This kind of analysis can open new ways of thinking and provide helpful guidelines for parental action. (M. E. C, )

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Holidays and Traditions

Many happy occasions bring families together to share the joy of each other’s company. Husbands and wives combine ideas from their own backgrounds to form family traditions that are shared with children.  It’s wonderful to see how these ideas change over the years as children grow and add their own input to the collage of celebration activities.  

What do children learn from traditions that continue from year to year?  They learn  how special they are to the family, and they gain a feeling of belonging to a larger group. They learn to contribute to the family and to cherish the warm glow that comes from selfless giving.  Each opportunity to learn social skills and build strong relationships with loved ones is a step towards maturity, and family members are blessed in the process.

The simplicity of the Christmas story and its message speak naturally to the hearts of children. Many families make the Bible the center of their celebration of this holiday. Society would like to make Christmas a very materialistic time of year, and parents need to be alert to this pressure.  It’s helpful to read Mary Baker Eddy’s views of Christmas and to understand her de-emphasis on “Santa” (First Church of Christ, Scientist and Miscellany, p. 261).

Charitable organizations and churches can provide outreach opportunities in the form of clothing and food drives to broaden children’s perspectives on this holiday, introducing local and international avenues for giving. And if you have the opportunity to include a foreign exchange student, a friend from church, or some neighbors in your celebrations, your child will grow to accept your enlarged concept of family and naturally be inclusive in his thought of others.

Traditional music of the season can be introduced.  Some families find time for performances geared to the age of their children, like “The Nutcracker” or a holiday Pops concert.  But a sure way to bring seasonal music into your children’s experience is to sing it to them – in the car, before bed, or while decorating your home.

Consider keeping Christmas gently paced and tailored to the age of your children, then each year will bring more joy to the family celebration.

Gifts.  It doesn’t take long for children to learn that the visit of a relative or the advent of a certain holiday will bring a gift or perhaps many gifts.  If the gift becomes more important than the loved one or special holiday, it’s time to help the children focus on his own opportunity to share with another.  The parent could pose questions to guide the child’s thought away from “receiving” and more towards “giving”:

  • “How can we make Grandma and Grandpa feel welcome? Maybe you can make a pretty picture or pick some flowers.”
  • “What would you like to make for Auntie from Play-doh?”
  • “Can you think of something that Uncle might like to hear about?  How about your cars (or dolls)?”
  • “Would you like to help make Christmas cookies for our visit with the neighbors?”

Having something to “give” will help direct the excitement into a constructive channel, so the child will experience more of the spirit of the occasion.

Young children love to open gifts! They can do this more easily if the gifts are loosely wrapped or tucked into a festive gift bag.  Allowing enough time to enjoy the gifts after they are opened may take a long time, but it is much more satisfying for little ones. Should there be an overabundance of new toys, some can be put away for later.

Books. Parents can help children recognize the reason behind holiday observations by reading simple books about the celebration.  Frequently these become favorites as the time for the holiday draws near.  For special holidays, like Christmas, a family might enjoy gradually building a small library that gets put away with the decorations. Grandparents love adding to this tradition, personalizing the inside covers.  Reading these dedications then becomes an integral part of reading the book.

Here is a short list of books you might consider purchasing for a Christmas library:
*A Time to Keep: The Tasha Tudor Book of Holidays, by Tasha Tudor *All Paths Lead to Bethlehem, by Patricia McKissack *The Night Before Christmas, by Clement Clark Moore (many editions available) *Christmas in the Manger, by Nola Buck and Felicia Bond *The First Christmas Night, by Keith Christopher *The Story of Christmas, by Patricia Pingry *How the Grinch Stole Christmas, by Dr. Seuss, *The Animals’ Merry Christmas, by Kathryn Jackson.

Cards.  From birth on, children receive greeting cards for many occasions from loved ones and friends. These tokens of caring can form links to people that the children may be very close to, or they may represent the love of dear friends whose paths the children will cross in later years. A collection of these mementos, stored in a box or put in an album, can be a treat for parent and child to share on a rainy day or for the child to review on his own in later years.

Photos.  Family gatherings are often recorded by parents, grandparents, and friends. These occasions form links to the past that children love to review with parents and to remember. If albums of pictures are stored, many days can be enriched by reviewing these the memories.

Families whose loved ones live at a distance may choose to stay close by calling, Skyping, or Facetiming. This can be a regular sharing that helps to bridge the distance.

Holidays provide highlights for the years families spend together, especially when a recurring event brings fond memories to us all. May you enjoy forming special holiday traditions with your family.