Category: Bible Study

By Dorothy Halverson

As increasing emphasis is placed on the importance of a child’s first years and the significant role that parents play as educators, one side effect may be to make conscientious parents feel inadequate with regard to their parenting skills. The work that we do as parents and educators with the youngest children builds the foundation of character. We may frequently ask ourselves, “Are we doing everything possible to help develop the full potential of our children’s character, a character that will be strong enough to hold up in every situation and environment?

One invaluable tool, or building block we use is discipline—not punishment that makes a child suffer without helping him learn, but teaching that leads to self-discipline, through which he can control himself in every situation. We must start with ourselves, since we are models for our children. Can we control our feelings and remain calm when we take a corrective step? Are we always consistent so a child knows what to expect? Is the home atmosphere orderly and harmonious? We want to help our children understand that they are representatives of Life, Truth, and Love—and help them learn to correct and control themselves. For example: What should we do if we take a small child to the grocery store and he continues to whine and beg for a treat? Do we give in and allow a treat so he will stop whining? Mrs. Morgan states on page 23 of Education at The Principia, “There is no greater unkindness that we can show our young people than that which arises from an intense desire to please them even at the sacrifice of their character building.” We must be careful never to reward whining.

Another way of helping a child to gain self-discipline is to have the child practice a right procedure. I had observed on several occasions a child continually bump his tricycle into others as he rode around the playground. He also took his feet off the pedals, which prevented him from controlling it. I had reminded the child that the pedals were his brakes and that he needed to keep his feet on the pedals or he would be asked to park the tricycle. Several times he lost the privilege of riding, since he continued to ram into others. Realizing I needed to approach the problem differently, I suggested that the child practice driving the tricycle safely in an isolated area on the playground. That day, anytime he chose to ride the tricycle, I had him practice in the isolated area where he could not disturb others. He could see his friends happily riding trikes and so desired to be with them. I let him know he was welcome to join them when he was able to ride without bumping others. He decided it was worth his while to make a right choice and control his own actions.

Obedience is another necessary tool in building character. There should be uniform methods and rules in the home to give the child security. The adults should uphold each other’s directions, even though this is not always easy to do. The child will trust our guidance if we are consistent in the requests we make of him. When we give a direction, we should expect an obedient response. And we should pay attention to our own actions. Do we give a direction two or three times? If so, why should the child respond the first time?

Expecting the child to respond to our requests is essential. When we are expecting right behavior and obedience, the child learns that obedience brings joy and happiness. Acknowledging his immediate response will also let him know he is expressing obedience.

Respect is the cement for the building. Without it, the character-building bricks will not hold together. Not only does the child need to respect adults, but we also need to respect the child. We need to respect his individuality, interests, and needs.

Unselfishness, consideration for others, and thoughtfulness, are surely qualities we want in our building. A parent once said to me, “I love my child so much that there is no sacrifice I won’t make for her happiness. My husband and I both put her first in our plans, yet she seems to make more demands. Nothing we do seems to make her completely happy.” These parents didn’t realize that being loving parents doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice everything for your children. Mrs. Morgan states, “Let the children feel their responsibility in making home the dearest spot on earth. Do not be such unselfish parents that you make selfish children” (Education at The Principia, p. 24). This child didn’t have to do any giving. In all her relationships, she was motivated by selfishness because she had no training along right lines.

As architects of this character building, we must look ahead in planning the blueprint to see young men and women who will take responsibility, be dependable, and possess the qualities needed to be effective citizens—“who will be called upon because of their nobility of character” (Education at The Principia, p. 15). The starting point for this kind of building starts early. When a baby can hold a spoon, he becomes responsible for feeding himself. He discovers he can take off his clothes, then later becomes responsible for dressing himself. As new skills are acquired, more responsibility can be taken and dependability develops. Cooperation also results from participation in home activities.

Respect, unselfishness, responsibility, and cooperation all lead to satisfying companionship in the family environment. Character-building isn’t the easiest work to do, and parents won’t see the full results of their labor until years later. It takes much patience and prayerful work. As we accept the responsibility of building character, right attitudes will be expressed by our children and they will help make the world a better place.

By Dorothy Halverson

For many years, parents and teachers were cautioned by some experts not to let a child get frustrated when learning new tasks or skills. They feared that the child might exhibit stress, insecurity, and low self-esteem. More recently, however, many have come to feel that a certain amount of frustration is essential to healthy character formation and independent growth.

Mary Kimball Morgan, founder and first president of The Principia, understood the importance of training children to be independent thinkers, even though it may take some struggling along the way. She poses this question in Education at The Principia (p. 57): “Are we helping them to gain the stamina, perseverance, and courage necessary to cope successfully with [world] conditions? Or are we weakening their character through personal indulgence and unwise protection—doing their work for them or shielding them from the consequences of their willful mistakes?”

When observing children struggling through a task and even exhibiting some frustration with a challenge, some of us may feel we’re helping out when we step in, but in reality we may be interfering in the opportunity for growth. Instead, it’s important to stand back in a supportive but non-interfering way, and let the learning experience occur. This gives the child room to develop initiative, resourcefulness, and problem-solving skills.

How can we be supportive yet non-interfering? Dr. John Rosemond offers these suggestions in his book entitled Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Heathy Children (Andrews McNeel Publishing, 1989).

1. Establish a relaxed environment where children can discover their own potential.
2. Guide and model more than order.
3. Be a consultant to your child’s growth and development.
4. Allow children to make mistakes. Some of the most valuable lessons are learned through making mistakes.

In doing these things, we send messages of trust and personal worth to our children and allow them the freedom to discover their own capabilities.

Working in an early childhood environment, I observe on a daily basis children taking risks, trying new things, and yes, making many mistakes along the way. But, the children are lovingly supported and gently guided. I love to witness four- and five-year-olds persevere when learning to ride a bicycle. The children quickly learn that they need to be in control, both mentally and physically. Some children get very frustrated with this at times, but the teacher calmly talks each child through the steps, encouraging them to keep trying. Once they succeed, they feel such a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. Their confidence and self-esteem grow as they experience success by expressing persistence, patience, and perseverance.

These same qualities—patience, persistence, confidence, empowerment, and perseverance—are expressed each time children tackle a new skill, such as learning to walk, tying shoes, or zipping a coat. Before beginning to work on a certain task or skill, it is important to know whether the child is ready and capable developmentally. Also, children are much more willing to persevere when it is a skill they want to learn.

It can be helpful to break down larger tasks so that they experience successes along the way (i.e. starting the zipper or having your child work through the first steps of shoe tying while you make the loops.) Each success increases their confidence to cope with the next, slightly more difficult task. Offering guiding suggestions and letting them know that you are there if they need you can be comforting to children.

Remember not to do the task for them, but remind them that it is OK if they don’t succeed the first time. If you are patient and relaxed yourself and allow your child to work, he will be more apt to continue trying to successfully meet challenges.

As children learn to persevere, they discover their own abilities, become self-sufficient, creative, and resourceful; express confidence and courage; and learn to think independently. And as Mary Kimball Morgan states, “In childhood, it is very essential that right habits of thought become established—honesty, truthfulness, unselfishness, industry, thoroughness, perseverance, loving-kindness, and all noble qualities which make for Christian character” (Education at The Principia, p. 21).

By Dorothy Halverson, Director of Acorn Programs

Our children learn to love our values as we find and use the discipline which is firm but loving, consistent but flexible, and principled but understanding. We want our children to love doing what is right. We make requests with an attitude of expectancy, and sometimes it helps to give some acceptable choices. “Would you like to hop or tip-toe to bed?” If neither of these choices is acceptable to him, we can ask, “Would you like to walk or be carried?”, and if he doesn’t go, we can say, “Oh, I see you decided to be carried,” and then do it with a fun trot. The child understands that we are not going to waver in making a right request, but that we do love him.

When there is no choice, such as, “Do you want to come to dinner?” or “Do you want to get in your car seat?”, then it is important not to phrase the request as a question, thereby giving the child a choice. A better way to phrase the request is, “It’s time to come in for dinner.” or “We are going to the store, so you need to get in your car seat.” We all like to plan ahead and know what is coming next. Children will be more cooperative, too, if they are told what’s coming.

Though we must understand children and not be unreasonable in our expectations, we must also expect enough of them. Children should not be allowed to be disrespectful or impolite towards others. If we hold them firmly to right actions when they are young, they will gain responsibility and learn that responsibility brings freedom. If a child is expressing jealously, aggression, or willfulness, and we feel it is natural for him to be jealous of a sibling, we are giving credibility to an erroneous belief and accepting this false concept of him. It is important to deny these negative traits as erroneous suggestions that have no part in our child’s individuality and hold steadfastly to the true concept of our child as an expression of Love.

Discipline is teaching, not blaming and punishing the child. When disciplining, always separate the behavior from the child. Your approach should assure the child that you love him, but not the inappropriate behavior. “Love does not permit a child to disrespectful, disobedient, and willful. Love corrects.” (Education at The Principia, p. 26) You have the knowledge and experience to know what’s best for your children. Continue to listen for the metaphysical truths about the situation and the actions that may be taken to help your child learn the needed lesson. Parenting is a constant learning process, and as we strive to use the methods which teach the desired lessons to our children, we find ourselves enjoying them more fully.