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Principle-Based Discipline

Adapted from Millie Cawlfield’s article “Balanced Discipline”  

Children are the “hope or our race.” (Mary Baker Eddy, Pulpit and Press, p. 9) No gift we give them is more important than good discipline. To discipline, in its truest sense, means to teach. If our work with our children results in our child’s wanting and loving to do what is right, we are truly disciplining.

Mary Kimball Morgan states in her article “Foundational Trusts,” “In childhood, it is very essential that right habits of thought become established—honesty, truthfulness, unselfishness, industry, thoroughness, perseverance, loving-kindness, and all noble qualities which make for Christian character…. Helping our children to love and express all that is pure and good requires us to keep very close to them and to seek divine wisdom constantly in our association with them.” Good discipline teaches right concepts and helps develop self-confidence and dominion over erroneous temptations. 
 
Discipline should be a balance of principle and love. We love and understand our child so that he is free to be creative and gain confidence in the value of his own ideas and thoughts, but we also teach him obedience, self-discipline, and unselfed love. This discipline is neither authoritarian nor overly permissive. It takes thought and practice to establish this balanced sense of discipline, and we often tend to swing back and forth. But the closer we get to this goal, the more harmonious the results will be.
 
Here are some ideas to consider when disciplining:
  • Get down on your child’s level to talk eye-to-eye.
  • When making demands or setting limits:
  1. Ask yourself, “Are these right demands based on Principle, not human will? Are they right for my child’s present stage of development?”
  2. Be consistent in the demands made on the child.
  3. Give directions clearly and simply.
  4. Don’t ask the child a question when no choice is intended. Rather, use a positive tone in your voice:  “It’s time to go now,” not “Are you ready to go?”
  5. Provide genuine opportunities for the child to make choices. Abide by his decisions.
  6. State directions in the positive. “Our feet walk in the house,” rather than “Don’t run in the house!”
  7. Impersonalize the directions—take “you” out of them. “It’s time to go to bed,” rather than “You must go to bed now.”
  • Make good appealing:
  1. Be courteous when making a request of a child as you would be with a friend. Mrs. Morgan states, “Too often one thinks a child needs no special consideration or courtesy shown him…. A genuine courtesy toward children is true discipline and eliminates much of the punishment which is sometimes called discipline” (Education at The Principia, p. 50).
  2. Lay clothes out in a line for the child to put on. Then say, “Here is a bell. I’m putting it on the dresser, and when I hear it rung, I’ll know you’re all dressed.”
  3. Be willing to give the child help with jobs that seem overwhelming to him. The objective is to make the child love order, not force compliance.
  • Redirect wrong actions.
  • Follow through and make sure your child complies. Don’t nurture self-will by giving in when confronted with crying or tantrums.
  • To prevent problems, look for causes of misbehavior:
  1. Ask yourself: “Should I make changes in his environment? Put an irresistible ‘no no’ out of reach? Install a gate? Close a bedroom door?”
  2. Plan ahead: Bring interesting toys on a long trip or to a friend’s house or restaurant.
  3. Don’t make unnecessary demands at “touchy” times in your child’s day (when he’s tired or right before dinner).
  • Give your child a good concept of himself by holding a true concept of him in your thought. Expect good.
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Teaching Social Skills

Written by Mildred Cawlfield, Winter 1977

Sally spontaneously shares her candy with Jill. Jeff runs over to help little Billy, who just fell of his tricycle. Keith and Kevin work out their disagreement with words instead of fists. This is the harmony between children we’re working for, and there are many things we, as parents, can do to promote it. 

Sandy, our toddler, sees another child playing with a toy. The toy takes on new life. Barely conscious of the other child, Sandy walks toward the toy and grabs it. What does she need to learn? That people are not toys; they have feelings, and she can affect those feelings. But if we, the adults, grab the toy from her in turn, with a spank and reprimand, to return it to Joey, Sandy—despite our disapproval—is learning that grabbing and hitting are effective methods. We really do teach more by our actions than by our words. 

Suppose we say, “Joey feels sad when you take his toy away. Let’s give it back, and he’ll feel happy again.” As we say it, we hold our toddler’s hands and help her return the toy. We can say then, “Oh, see how much better he feels!” Then to Joey, “Sandy would like a turn with the toy when you’re through. May she please play with it when you’re finished?” Next, take Sandy away from the scene and help her find a good alternative toy to play with—perhaps even play with her for a moment. When Joey loses interest in the coveted toy, he can be helped to share it. “It looks like you’re ready to play with something else now, Joey. How happy Sandy will be when you share this toy with her!” 

Describing feelings helps a child become aware of them, and this kind of intervention teaches empathy, a necessary ingredient to the expression of love. 

Studies show that there is a correlation between harsh physical punishment and aggressive behavior in children. Also, it has been found that ignoring aggression that takes place in an adult’s presence perpetuates it, because the child feels that the aggression is being condoned. So it’s important to take consistent, appropriate action. This does take our time, and it may seem easier to let the children fight it out. But what rewards there are for spending the time now to teach these needed skills! We not only gain a more harmonious home but build skills desperately needed in the world. 

A good rule for children—like Sandy and Joey—to learn is that we shouldn’t take anything from another person by force, no matter how much we want it. We can ask if we may please have a turn with it when they’re finished. Then children can learn that it helps to get busy with something else, because standing around eagerly awaiting something seems to cause the possessor to maintain his interest in it. 

We don’t teach sharing by making a child give something he is working with to another. We’re merely fostering possessiveness and resentment. If an adult is reading a magazine and is in the middle of an interesting article, we wouldn’t expect him to give it up immediately just because someone comes along and says he wants it. Yet we sometimes make that kind of demand on a child. Sharing comes from the desire to give. It is the feeling we want to foster, not just the act. 

Food is a good thing to use for practice sharing. A child enjoys the obvious pleasure he gives others by passing out cookies or candy, and we can point out, “It makes your friends happy when you share with them.” 

Taking turns is another social skill children must learn. We can take turns speaking at the dinner table, and children can take turns being pushed in a swing or riding a wheel toy. Turns can be measured by counting. We can show what fun it is to take turns and should bill it as a positive, rather than a negative, experience. 

When children disagree, they need to learn to settle their differences verbally rather than physically. “Use words, not fists. Talk it over,” we can say. Sometimes it helps to verbalize a child’s feelings and thoughts, such as “Tommy thought it was fun dancing in a circle with you, but when you went too fast, it frightened him,” or “Johnny would like to have a turn being the daddy instead of always the child.” 

If one child continues to act aggressively toward another child and doesn’t respond to another’s viewpoint, he needs to learn that Principle operates to protect. We need to firmly, though lovingly, take him from the scene to sit on a chair until he can use his good thinking. We can tell him that thinking governs actions, and when he uses good thoughts, he’ll have good action. We can also tell him that we can’t let him hurt another, just as we wouldn’t let anyone hurt him. 

It helps children relate to others when we point out how we and others are similar to them. “Jody likes dolls just as you do.” Or “That loud thunder startled me, too. Aren’t we glad God is here taking care of us?” This type of relating helps children understand the concept that we are all God’s children and forms the basis for practicing the greatest social rule of all, the Golden Rule.

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The Joy of Music

kid with drum

By Dorothy Halverson, Early Childhood Principal

From the soft chimes inside their cuddly, soft toys to the full orchestration of Disney’s Fantasia, children learn how to distinguish different sounds, rhythms, and melodies. Music is innate to every child, and it is filled with Godlike qualities—tenderness, precision, beauty, joy, unity, accuracy. And since these qualities are from God, no one can lack them. Music educates the whole man and ignites all areas of development. No one is without his or her own sense of harmony and the ability to express it. Each of us comes with our own instrument, and each of us can learn to use it with freedom, joy, and fulfillment.
 
Children learn to be musical just as they learn to talk, walk, and dress themselves. They learn through example, trial and error, imitation, and play. Even if you feel you aren’t a great musician, there are lots of ways that you can nurture and help your child develop the musical skills that will enliven and enrich his life and will lay the foundation for musicianship.
 
Infants respond beautifully to music. As you dance with an infant in your arms, take her to the changing table, singing, “This is the way we change your diaper,” or hum a soothing lullaby to comfort her and help her fall asleep, you are building a relationship that fosters trust. Sing simple, short songs in a high, soft voice. Try making up one or two lines about bathing, dressing, or eating to sing to them while you do these activities. Just start putting to melody some of the thoughts and words that come to you, and you’ll have a song. Children love to hear songs with their names and to laugh at the silly songs you make up about what they’re doing. Sing as you hold and play with your baby—she will love watching your mouth. Recorded music can’t possibly substitute for YOU, whether the opportunity happens at bedtime, while you’re picking up toys together, or traveling in a car.
 
Young infants enjoy toys that make musical sounds. Hang musical mobiles, and give babies wrist and ankle bells to hold. Babies’ random movements soon become intentional as they learn that they can make sounds by moving things. Offer toys that make sounds as they are used, such as balls with bells inside or push-and-pull toys that make musical sounds as they roll across the floor.
 
Mobile infants use their bodies as their first rhythm instruments, but you will also want to offer other simple rhythm instruments. Possibilities include drums, xylophones, rattles and shakers, tambourines, clackers, maracas, and wood blocks. These allow children to create and respond to music as they bang, ring, swish, and click. Make sure that anything with small objects inside or attached, such as a shaker or bell, is secure and does not present a choking hazard.
 
As your child’s language skills improve, he will join you as you sing. Sometimes the child will repeat sounds over and over, such as “da-da, da-da, da-da.” Your child may half-babble and half-talk as he sings a familiar song such as “Baa, Baa, Black Sheep.” With your child’s increasing balance and physical coordination, he will enjoy playing simple rhythm instruments and moving to the beat. You may want to make your own instruments. For example, drums can be made from oatmeal containers and cymbals from metal pie pans.  Make rattles and shakers by filling containers with rice, macaroni, or dried beans and fastening the containers very securely. Create a rain stick by using a paper towel tube, some rice, and tape. Turn pots and pans upside down and offer wooden spoons. Observe as your child experiments with different rhythms and sounds.
 
As you interact with your mobile baby, you can promote both his pleasure in and learning from music and movement. Here are some ways to help your child focus on his experiences:
  • Encourage your child to respond physically to music by swaying and moving slowly when the music is slow.
  • Identify different sounds, like a clock ticking or the beating of a drum. Mimic or imitate mechanical sounds. This will encourage him to experiment with and control his voice.
  • Teach simple fingerplays, such as “Open, Shut Them” and “The Wheels on the Bus.”
  • Vary the speed at which you chant rhymes. Sing “Pat-a-Cake” very slowly and then more quickly and invite your child to tap his outstretched hands in your hands to the beat.
  • Move with your child to the beat; bounce him on your knee or in your lap as you chant “Bounce and bounce and bounce away. Bounce and bounce and bounce all day. Bounce high, bounce low. Bounce and bounce and bounce we go!”
 
Toddlers love to dance and move to music.  They are fascinated by the nonverbal sounds they can make. They continue to sing and to enjoy music and fingerplays as social experiences. Share the fun of dancing, marching, and singing together. Use music and movement experiences to build a positive relationship—“Let’s hold hands and stomp through the leaves together.” The key to toddler music is the repetition of songs, which encourages the use of words and memorization.   
 
Two-year-olds love rhythm and repetition. They have become good listeners and are responsive to music with complex patterns. They move their whole bodies in different ways to various kinds of music, jumping, bouncing, falling, and swaying. They love to twirl and fall like autumn leaves and spinning tops, and they begin to sing some of the lyrics of familiar songs.  You will notice that your child can fill in words when you pause, especially when the songs include rhyme and repetition. Encourage your child to focus on the beat by inviting him to clap, stomp, march, or drum to the music’s beat. He may also enjoy creating original melodies or new verses for his favorite songs.
 
Music and movement experiences play an important role in language and literacy development. Songs can be used to promote an awareness of sounds and to encourage children to experiment with language.  Songs, rhymes, and fingerplays are wonderful ways to help children extend language and build vocabulary. As you live music and enjoy it with your child, you’ll see its influence in areas such as memory, speech, listening, coordination, confidence, creativity, and self-control. These processes demand and develop character qualities such as courage, self-discipline, obedience, focus, decisiveness, selflessness, and inner stillness. 
 
The aim in living and teaching music really is to find the nobility in man by involving him in the search for the beautiful, and as you and your child grow together, you’ll enjoy a new and deepening bond with him—one to be cherished and treasured.
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Building Character

By Dorothy Halverson

As increasing emphasis is placed on the importance of a child’s first years and the significant role that parents play as educators, one side effect may be to make conscientious parents feel inadequate with regard to their parenting skills. The work that we do as parents and educators with the youngest children builds the foundation of character. We may frequently ask ourselves, “Are we doing everything possible to help develop the full potential of our children’s character, a character that will be strong enough to hold up in every situation and environment?

One invaluable tool, or building block we use is discipline—not punishment that makes a child suffer without helping him learn, but teaching that leads to self-discipline, through which he can control himself in every situation. We must start with ourselves, since we are models for our children. Can we control our feelings and remain calm when we take a corrective step? Are we always consistent so a child knows what to expect? Is the home atmosphere orderly and harmonious? We want to help our children understand that they are representatives of Life, Truth, and Love—and help them learn to correct and control themselves. For example: What should we do if we take a small child to the grocery store and he continues to whine and beg for a treat? Do we give in and allow a treat so he will stop whining? Mrs. Morgan states on page 23 of Education at The Principia, “There is no greater unkindness that we can show our young people than that which arises from an intense desire to please them even at the sacrifice of their character building.” We must be careful never to reward whining.

Another way of helping a child to gain self-discipline is to have the child practice a right procedure. I had observed on several occasions a child continually bump his tricycle into others as he rode around the playground. He also took his feet off the pedals, which prevented him from controlling it. I had reminded the child that the pedals were his brakes and that he needed to keep his feet on the pedals or he would be asked to park the tricycle. Several times he lost the privilege of riding, since he continued to ram into others. Realizing I needed to approach the problem differently, I suggested that the child practice driving the tricycle safely in an isolated area on the playground. That day, anytime he chose to ride the tricycle, I had him practice in the isolated area where he could not disturb others. He could see his friends happily riding trikes and so desired to be with them. I let him know he was welcome to join them when he was able to ride without bumping others. He decided it was worth his while to make a right choice and control his own actions.

Obedience is another necessary tool in building character. There should be uniform methods and rules in the home to give the child security. The adults should uphold each other’s directions, even though this is not always easy to do. The child will trust our guidance if we are consistent in the requests we make of him. When we give a direction, we should expect an obedient response. And we should pay attention to our own actions. Do we give a direction two or three times? If so, why should the child respond the first time?

Expecting the child to respond to our requests is essential. When we are expecting right behavior and obedience, the child learns that obedience brings joy and happiness. Acknowledging his immediate response will also let him know he is expressing obedience.

Respect is the cement for the building. Without it, the character-building bricks will not hold together. Not only does the child need to respect adults, but we also need to respect the child. We need to respect his individuality, interests, and needs.

Unselfishness, consideration for others, and thoughtfulness, are surely qualities we want in our building. A parent once said to me, “I love my child so much that there is no sacrifice I won’t make for her happiness. My husband and I both put her first in our plans, yet she seems to make more demands. Nothing we do seems to make her completely happy.” These parents didn’t realize that being loving parents doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice everything for your children. Mrs. Morgan states, “Let the children feel their responsibility in making home the dearest spot on earth. Do not be such unselfish parents that you make selfish children” (Education at The Principia, p. 24). This child didn’t have to do any giving. In all her relationships, she was motivated by selfishness because she had no training along right lines.

As architects of this character building, we must look ahead in planning the blueprint to see young men and women who will take responsibility, be dependable, and possess the qualities needed to be effective citizens—“who will be called upon because of their nobility of character” (Education at The Principia, p. 15). The starting point for this kind of building starts early. When a baby can hold a spoon, he becomes responsible for feeding himself. He discovers he can take off his clothes, then later becomes responsible for dressing himself. As new skills are acquired, more responsibility can be taken and dependability develops. Cooperation also results from participation in home activities.

Respect, unselfishness, responsibility, and cooperation all lead to satisfying companionship in the family environment. Character-building isn’t the easiest work to do, and parents won’t see the full results of their labor until years later. It takes much patience and prayerful work. As we accept the responsibility of building character, right attitudes will be expressed by our children and they will help make the world a better place.

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Teaching Spiritual Concepts

By Dorothy Halverson, Director of Acorn Programs

“How can I teach my child the spiritual concepts and moral values I cherish?” is a question often asked by parents. 

Another one follows: “Is it possible to teach spiritual concepts to a young child who’s just learning the language and may not be thinking in abstract terms yet?” 

Most educators agree that the best way to teach our cherished ideas is through example. As we love and live the spiritual concepts that inspire us, the child is certain to benefit. The infant or young child learns the special relationship of father and mother through experience. Our striving to express the qualities of principle and love in parenting can help his growing understanding of his Father-Mother God. 

Studies have shown that a rigid, authoritarian approach to discipline tends to turn offspring from the religion of the parents. A consistent but loving approach gains the respect of children and a desire to learn. As with most education, the learning of spiritual concepts can’t be forced. 

There are many ways to share our love of God with our little ones. Tiniest infants are quieted when we sing favorite hymns or voice spiritual truths. Meals can bring spiritual, as well as physical, nourishment, if we share some inspired thoughts that come to us. Bedtime is another special time to share prayers and spiritual thoughts. The joy and spirit with which we share is always as important as what we share. 

When a child is two or three, a parent can begin to have a regular assembly or special time for a “spiritual breakfast” to explore spiritual ideas together. It’s important to keep these periods brief and interesting to the child. Look for simple concepts that can be meaningful to a child now, such as “God loves me and takes care of me,” “I can treat others the way I like to be treated,” “I can be cheerfully obedient to God, good,” “I can guard my thinking,” “God gives me courage and strength,” or “I can let my light shine.” 

Read or share stories from the Bible to help illustrate a concept. For instance, the story of Daniel in the lions’ den illustrates God’s protection, or moral courage in standing for what’s right. The story of Baby Moses in the bulrushes shows God’s care for His children. 

You can also tell present-day parables. My daughter enjoyed hearing stories I made up about children who had experiences remarkably similar to her experiences (though their names were different), and who found spiritual solutions to their problems. Children sometimes suggest solutions for their story friends and so are better prepared for the next perplexing situation that arises in their own experience. 

Hand puppets can illustrate successful solutions to moral or social dilemmas. A character might find that when he’s kind, others are kind to him; that when he’s obedient, things work out better; or when he’s honest, he’s trusted. Children love to help reform errant puppets and can try different roles by being one of the puppeteers. 

There are activities or games which can teach spiritual or moral concepts. A favorite one is the “knock knock game” which helps children differentiate between useful thoughts and detrimental ones. The child holds up a “door” or book and you knock on it saying, “Knock, knock.” 

“Who’s there?” asks the child. 
“I’m a little thought that says, “Don’t come when Mommy calls,’ May I come in?” 

The child holds the book in place and shakes his head, and you say, “Good. You know not to let that thought in. Here’s another thought…..” If the thought is a helpful one, the child turns or opens the “door.” 

You can present several thoughts and then let the child knock on your door of thought. A similar game uses an old or toy telephone and the child can hang up on “error” thoughts. 

An activity to teach the concept of “letting your light shine,” is to put a bag over a lighted flashlight to show that when it’s covered up no one can see it. It’s important to carefully relate the illustration to the point you want to make. You might next put the bag on your head so the children can’t see who you are. If they want, they can put it on their heads and you can “wonder” who they are. Then you can say, “If I go around without saying ‘hello’ to people or helping them, it’s just as if I had a bag on my head. No one can see who I really am, God’s loving child.” 

There are many such activities that can teach spiritual or moral concepts. 

Preaching to a child or correcting him with a truism can backfire — turning him against the idea you wish to teach. It’s better to let him know when he is obeying a cherished precept, so he’ll learn to love it. For instance, “When you gave that toy to your little sister, you were obeying the Golden Rule. You knew that would make her happy, didn’t you?” 

The most important thing to remember in teaching spiritual ideas to our children is to share the spirit and not just the letter. If we’re meeting resistance, it’s a signal to try a different time, place, or method. 

It’s helpful to know that God is guiding and attracting His children, and we’re not intermediaries; but we can be inspired to share ideas we know are important in the very best way. 

“What have I to teach another? Only what I myself have learned. My ability to impart will be in proportion to my own receptivity and utilization of that which is of value in my own experience. Intellectual food can be imparted only by one who has achieved scholarly attainments. Important as this phase of the work is, it is only one phase of education. Spiritual culture is of greater importance and is regarded as first in value.” (Education at The Principia p. 67-68)

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Teaching Family Values to Our Children

The highest goal of parents is to impart strong values and morals in their children. Nothing makes parents happier than to see their children demonstrate unselfishness, honesty, courage, responsibility, or wisdom. Parents have a better opportunity than anyone else to influence the values of their children. The ways to do this have been a subject of research and are a current interest of many. 

Here are some questions that can help us in our search for ways to best communicate and teach our values to our children. 

• What qualities do we value? A good place to start is to make a list of those qualities we most want to see manifested in our children’s experience and our own. In addition to the aforementioned qualities, we might want to include obedience, self-control, patience, kindness, independence, perseverance, humility, and others. Lists will vary according to what qualities we value the most.

• What quality do I want to work on this week? The best way to teach values is to exemplify them. It’s easiest to focus on them one-at-a-time for ourselves as well as in our work with our children. We can choose one quality to work on for a week or a month and write that quality on a piece of paper. Then, we need to post the quality where we will be reminded of it as we go about our day — on the mirror in the bathroom, on the refrigerator; or perhaps, if we’re on the go, in the car or in our pocket or purse. 

As an example, let’s consider the quality of “self-control”. We write “self-control” on a piece of paper or Post-it note and then we place it where it will be seen. [Throughout the article, italics will be used to help illustrate the questions using the quality of self-control.] 

• What evidence do we have of the spiritual source and presence of these qualities? Let’s think of times when we have felt the presence of the qualities we value. When have we felt impelled to be honest or generous? When have we seen our children naturally express order, affection, or the quality-of-the-week (self-control)? How does a person we admire express the quality? What can we do to live more of this quality? As we see the spiritual source of these qualities, we’ll see that they are already present, not lacking. We’ll be able to say to ourselves and our children, “You have control. You can express it.” 

• What Bible stories, verses, stories of heroes, or other narratives illustrate the qualities we value? Children love stories, and telling them stories that bring out ways to express the qualities we value is a good way to teach. Stories of our own childhood, or of other relatives’ lives, will be especially enjoyed. You can tell Bible stories to illustrate self-control. Daniel must have had self-control when he was thrown into the den of lions (Daniel, Chapter 6). Jesus exhibited control when he stooped and wrote on the ground after the Jews, hoping to entrap him, brought him a woman they had caught “doing the wrong thing” (John 8). Use words that children understand and can relate to their own experience. There’s no need to use words that introduce evil concepts they’re not yet ready to perceive. 

In addition to finding a story that illustrates the value you are teaching, you can make one up using ideas your child can relate to. As a present-day parable, it can meet your children right where their thought is. You can tell a story, or act one out with puppets, about a child who has had experiences similar to those of your child and who works them out in a positive way. For example, you could tell a story about a child who gets upset because she doesn’t want to put on a coat when instructed to do so by her mother. In the story she can regain control, put on the coat, and discover that she’s happier expressing self-control and obedience because it’s very cold outside. 

• What are some ways to extinguish opposing tendencies or beliefs? It helps for us to get rid of so-called reasons why we or our children can’t express certain desired qualities. For instance, we should rule out any thought that heredity could influence qualities that are God-given. We can also keep beliefs of personality types or expediency from being excuses for limiting virtues. In addition, we can think through how we will act when a similar situation comes up again. What can we do or say the next time we have the opportunity to assert our self-control? We can help our children prepare their thought for what they might do or say the next time they feel they are losing control. 

• What are some ways of practicing, or helping our children to practice, the traits we value? We can look for opportunities throughout the day to express the quality we value. We can even set the stage for such practice. For instance, if we are working with our children to express the qualities of caring, sharing, or cooperation, we can support them by inviting friends over for play dates and helping them plan how they will share their toys or snacks. 

They can also act out ways to express the quality of the week. Puppets can be used to help establish the desired virtue. After we give examples of working through situations where self-control is needed and then used, our children can act out a situation showing how they can use their self-control. A puppet can be the child losing his temper and then regaining it. The puppet can also play the part of the parent. 

If you lose your temper in a situation, it’s helpful to sit down for a moment, be quiet, and affirm to yourself that God is in control. Then you can go back and replay the scene or apologize, if needed. This is a good example that lets your children know what to do when they “lose it.” You can give them the opportunity to regain control in their room, on their bed, or sitting on a chair, and then to replay the scene. 

• Catch the quality being expressed! It is far better to catch a child expressing a desirable quality than to remind him or her that a quality is being neglected! Let’s gratefully acknowledge our own progress as we utilize the values we’re striving for. The idea is to help our children and ourselves see that we can and do have these qualities to express, and we can bring them to the fore in our experience with delightful results.

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Which Food Should I Give My Baby First?

For most babies it does not matter what foods are introduced first, though by tradition, single-grain cereals are usually introduced first. However, there is no evidence that supports introducing solid foods in any particular order has an advantage for your baby. It is usually recommended starting vegetables before fruits, since babies tend to have a preference for sweets.  However, the order in which foods are introduced does not change this.

If your baby has been mostly breastfeeding, he may benefit from baby food made with meat. Baby cereals are available premixed in individual containers or dry, to which you can add breast milk, formula, or water. Whichever type of cereal you use, make sure that it is made for babies and iron-fortified. 

Once your baby learns to eat one food, gradually give him other foods. Introduce your baby to one new food at a time, and wait at least 2 to 3 days before starting another. Generally, meats and vegetables contain more nutrients per serving than fruits or cereals. 

Within a few months of starting solid foods, your baby’s daily diet should include a variety of foods each day that may include the following: 
• Breast milk and/or formula 
• Meats 
• Cereal 
• Vegetables 
• Fruits 
• Eggs 
• Fish 

NOTE: If you make your own baby food, home-prepared spinach, beets, green beans, squash, and carrots are not good choices during early infancy. Commercially prepared vegetables are safer because the manufacturers test for nitrates. Peas, corn, and sweet potatoes are better choices for home-prepared baby foods.

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Holidays and Traditions

Many happy occasions bring families together to share the joy of each other’s company. Husbands and wives combine ideas from their own backgrounds to form family traditions that are shared with children.  It’s wonderful to see how these ideas change over the years as children grow and add their own input to the collage of celebration activities.  

What do children learn from traditions that continue from year to year?  They learn  how special they are to the family, and they gain a feeling of belonging to a larger group. They learn to contribute to the family and to cherish the warm glow that comes from selfless giving.  Each opportunity to learn social skills and build strong relationships with loved ones is a step towards maturity, and family members are blessed in the process.

The simplicity of the Christmas story and its message speak naturally to the hearts of children. Many families make the Bible the center of their celebration of this holiday. Society would like to make Christmas a very materialistic time of year, and parents need to be alert to this pressure.  It’s helpful to read Mary Baker Eddy’s views of Christmas and to understand her de-emphasis on “Santa” (The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany, p. 261).

Charitable organizations and churches can provide outreach opportunities in the form of clothing and food drives to broaden children’s perspectives on this holiday, introducing local and international avenues for giving. And if you have the opportunity to include a foreign exchange student, a friend from church, or some neighbors in your celebrations, your child will grow to accept your enlarged concept of family and naturally be inclusive in his thought of others.

Traditional music of the season can be introduced.  Some families find time for performances geared to the age of their children, like “The Nutcracker” or a holiday Pops concert.  But a sure way to bring seasonal music into your children’s experience is to sing it to them – in the car, before bed, or while decorating your home.

Consider keeping Christmas gently paced and tailored to the age of your children, then each year will bring more joy to the family celebration.

Gifts 

It doesn’t take long for children to learn that the visit of a relative or the advent of a certain holiday will bring a gift or perhaps many gifts.  If the gift becomes more important than the loved one or special holiday, it’s time to help the child focus on his own opportunity to share with another.  The parent could pose questions to guide the child’s thought away from “receiving” and more towards “giving:”

  • “How can we make Grandma and Grandpa feel welcome? Maybe you can make a pretty picture or pick some flowers.”
  • “What would you like to make for Auntie from Play-doh?”
  • “Can you think of something that Uncle might like to hear about?  How about your cars (or dolls)?”
  • “Would you like to help make Christmas cookies for our visit with the neighbors?”

Having something to “give” will help direct the excitement into a constructive channel, so the child will experience more of the spirit of the occasion.

Young children love to open gifts! They can do this more easily if the gifts are loosely wrapped or tucked into a festive gift bag. Allowing enough time to enjoy the gifts after they are opened may take a long time, but it is much more satisfying for little ones. Should there be an overabundance of new toys, some can be put away for later.

Books

Parents can help children recognize the reason behind holiday observations by reading simple books about the celebration.  Frequently these become favorites as the time for the holiday draws near.  For special holidays, like Christmas, a family might enjoy gradually building a small library that gets put away with the decorations. Grandparents love adding to this tradition, personalizing the inside covers.  Reading these dedications then becomes an integral part of reading the book.

Here is a short list of books you might consider purchasing for a Christmas library:

  • A Time to Keep: The Tasha Tudor Book of Holidays, by Tasha Tudor
  • All Paths Lead to Bethlehem, by Patricia McKissack
  • The Night Before Christmas, by Clement Clark Moore (many editions available)
  • Christmas in the Manger, by Nola Buck and Felicia Bond
  • The First Christmas Night, by Keith Christopher
  • The Story of Christmas, by Patricia Pingry
  • How the Grinch Stole Christmas, by Dr. Seuss
  • The Animals’ Merry Christmas, by Kathryn Jackson

Cards

From birth on, children receive greeting cards for many occasions from loved ones and friends. These tokens of caring can form links to people that the children may be very close to, or they may represent the love of dear friends whose paths the children will cross in later years. A collection of these mementos, stored in a box or put in an album, can be a treat for parent and child to share on a rainy day or for the child to review on his own in later years.

Photos

Family gatherings are often recorded by parents, grandparents, and friends. These occasions form links to the past that children love to review with parents and to remember. If albums of pictures are stored, many days can be enriched by reviewing these the memories.

Families whose loved ones live at a distance may choose to stay close by calling, Skyping, or Facetiming. This can be a regular sharing that helps to bridge the distance.

Holidays provide highlights for the years families spend together, especially when a recurring event brings fond memories to us all. May you enjoy forming special holiday traditions with your family!

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Painting Fall Trees

Materials
Tempera paint (orange, red, yellow, brown)
Bundle of Q-Tips
Large piece of construction paper
Paint brush
Paper plate

Directions
Help your child paint a large bare tree with a trunk and bare branches. While the paint is drying, bundle about 10 Q-Tips together using a rubber band. Place a small amount of yellow, orange, and red tempera paint on a paper plate.  Once the painted tree has dried, invite your child to use the bundle of Q-Tips and dip them into one of the colors of tempera paint. Press the Q-Tips onto the paper. Choose a different color and continue painting “leaves” on the tree and on the ground. This makes a beautiful fall tree apinting. Display.

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Brown Fall Sensory Bin

Materials
Dried kidney beans
Pine cones
Acorns
Leaves
Magnifying glass

Directions
Fill a large container with dried kidney beans and materials found outside on a fall nature hike. Invite your child to pour, touch, and use a magnifying glass to observe all the natural objects in the bin.